Home and Away

With Grandma & Jay, a photo by suzipaw on Flickr.

It's been a busy few weeks.

Jay and I visited Grandma last weekend. It wonderful in so many ways. It was great traveling with my brother. It's not something I do very often, just the two of us hanging out away from our respective homes. It's also nice because I did things I wouldn't have done if I had gone by myself. For instance, we had lunch at Coulee Dam. I hadn't been there in years. What a nice change of pace that was. When I travel alone, I also have a lot of time to spend pondering things both weighty and flighty, searching various nooks of my brain. But with Jay, we had time to connect with Grandma as well as with each other. We caught up on stuff happening in our lives, and we also batted around politics and pop culture and the process of getting older, which manages to still surprise me in so many ways. I liked hearing the questions and conversations he and Grandma shared, things I wouldn't have talked about alone with her. Grandma was very popular that weekend--she had a lot of visitors, which I was glad to see. We looked through the photo books and talked about her move and just enjoyed each other's company. I'm so glad I had the chance to see her, however briefly.

Because Grandma is moving to Spokane in a couple of weeks, it was an excellent time for a visit, though bittersweet too. Who knows when I'll get to Wilbur again? It's become a very regular part of my life. Jay and I cruised the streets a bit when we were there. But Spokane will be a good change. Not such a long drive from the airport. And please, may there be better food! I can only take so many combinations of carbs and fat. But oh, I'll miss the plain cake doughnuts from Sandy's. And I'll miss the drive through the undulating wheat fields, shorn or green depending on the season; the clouds that are so different from California, hiding in the morning, pretending to promise a clear day, only to and convene gray and brooding by afternoon; the beautiful white barn on the way to the cemetery; being in a place where Axtell is a familiar name, attached both to people and to land; the ornate headstones and trees in the old part of the cemetery, and especially Grandpa's grave there, too.

The house is painted. I have to have our real estate agent come over to tell us what to do next, but the major hurdle do putting the house on the market has been cleared. It's still a little strange coming home--I don't recognize it. It looks much better. But in many ways it doesn't look like my house anymore. Maybe that's A Good Thing. M and I went to an open house one weekend and the house fit all of our criteria, but...I wasn't enthused about it at all. I wish I could have put my finger on why I wasn't interested in even making an offer, I think that would help in the search. I'm trying to remain optimistic that "the" place will come along at just the right time, but considering how long I've been looking, it's difficult to stay upbeat.

M and I and our friend Caitlin went to Sacramento a few weeks ago to march with Unite Against the War on Women. When was the last time you took part in a march? It's been a long time for me.

I was very disappointed in the number of other participants. There are so many awful legislative things happening now, I'm surprised we didn't have more people showing up. Which made me very glad to be a part of it and more grateful that M and Caitlin were willing to go with me. I was also glad to see a number of men there too. It's going to be an interesting (and I hope not in the Chinese curse way) election year.

In other news, plans for a visit to Portland and the Descendants of Julia reunion on Lake Ontario are firming up, so I have much to look forward to in July. M has purchased a new motorcycle, same model as the last one, so we're up on two wheels again. My mentoring duties are over, and I'm a little sad. I didn't spend too much time on it, but it was a memorable experience for me.

Evidence of Adventures

Evidence of Adventures, a photo by suzipaw on Flickr.

This week has turned out to be a bit more, um, exciting than planned. I guess that's the nature of unplanned generally.

M's trip to southern California to see family and friends was cut short almost exactly between here and there. The motorcycle threw a rod or whatever bikes do to protest being revved at 80 mph down I5 for hours at a time, stranding M in the California heartland. He had to rent a truck (foreground of photo) to bring it home. We're both very sad. Bike prognosis is uncertain at a time when we should be contentedly anticipating exploration of a weekend as summer beckons from the edges of the hillsides and deep blue of the sky.

The house painting project has begun. We're in prelude stage: fixing up the exterior. I wasn't expecting it to be so severe, but apparently I'm the only one. In an unexpectedly pleasant glass-half-full scenario, the truck M rented to convey the bike will be pressed into service for a dump run and materials pick-up. So not all was lost there. Now we just have to choose the paint colors.

Earlier this week I had the dreaded procedure. It was...fine. A bit like a dream, I think back and wonder--were they really doing that to me? Thank goodness for modern chemistry producing amnesiacs and anesthetics. This was the last (for a while anyway) in a series of peers, pokes, prods, squeezes, scrapes, and sutures of my 50th year. I'm glad it's all over and even happier that my medical history remains unremarkable as one of the nurses at the endoscopy center noted. Bless medical professionals by the way. Everyone at the endo center was so matter-of-fact and did their best to make me comfortable and put me at my ease. As I waited for it to get underway, gazing at the gray walls never dappled by sunshine, overhearing the same questions repeated over and over through the curtains on either side of me, I was grateful that they treated me respectfully and as an individual. I suspect I'd feel my soul crushed in an environment like that if I had to be there day in and day out, even knowing that the work I was doing was potentially life saving.

Today I had another day of mentoring in the City. It was lovely. I hope I've helped them a little bit. I had dinner on the back deck, Roxy before me, relaxed but closely watching the yard. I love this time of year.

April

...is National Poetry Month. I wrote a poem today, the first one in a long time save a fragment the other day that had tulips and clouds as major imagery. Here is today's:

You leave heading east
sun at your back
I know you feel your day
is just beginning
a traveler alone.

Alone I open the window
as if to catch the last
scent, the exhaust of missing.
You do this to me.
You surprise me with leavetaking
amputating the mope and longface
with your excitement.

I change the sheets
removing one small reminder
another scent of what we
shared last night.
I will make my own
nest when the sun
goes down. I close
the window, slide the curtain
rings rattling across the dark
space that divides us,
waiting to hear you come home.

Battle Sail Weekend

Hawaiian Chieftain, a photo by suzipaw on Flickr.

While we were up in Manchester a couple of weeks ago, I saw in the local paper that two tall ships would be in Bodega Bay, the Lady Washington and the Hawaiian Chieftain. M and I are unabashed fans of the Aubrey-Maturin and Hornblower books, so I visited the website for more info. How excited we both were that not only would there be tours, but that we could reserve for a "battle sail"! So that's what we did yesterday.

We took the bike out, which was handy. There was parking, but it was very crowded (I had heard at the gym the day before that kids were skipping school to see them--I think the fact that the Lady Washington was the vessel used in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie helped fan the fan flames). It was a beautiful day--not much of a swell, fairly clear skies, not too chilly, good visibility, and not too windy, which was good and bad. There was enough to actually do some real sailing without the engines, but we didn't maneuver too quickly. Though I think that was just as well. It was easier to see what the mostly volunteer crew was doing, how the mast and booms and sails and rigging worked, and also just enjoy the lovely day. The cannons made a fine loud boom--we saluted several other boats as well as the spectators lining the sea walls. The crew was very informal and playful, I'm sure Jack Aubrey would have been horrified. When another vessel hailed us, our captain replied with a "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" quip. An unexpected highlight was when a very small, white plane zipped between the tall ships, flying not much higher than the masts--I saw the pilot wave as he flew by. I took some movies with my phone that I'll try to edit and post soon.

Though the sail was just a few hours long, it really wiped me out. I got to bed early and had a hard time waking up today. I had entertained (not very seriously) thoughts of taking time off to volunteer as a hand (the crew was a least half women) but I don't think I'd last very long.

I was in San Francisco earlier in the week for our third show of the year. It went pretty well, but I think we'd all hope for more attendees. It was nice having an event in SF rather than Santa Clara. Much nearer, and I had some lovely food! Good pizza at Zero Zero and a second visit to Salt House. More long days, made a bit longer by my commitment to activity. I went to the hotel gym two mornings (I'm coming to the conclusion that hotel gyms just aren't very pleasant) and took an early walk another morning. San Franciscans are not early risers.

The week before the conference I had yet another evening event in the City. I had to drive down in a torrential downpour and I was glad not to be in the Cadillac, though I was white knuckling it all the way, even with Jane's help. It was my first formal speaking gig, at an event for women in tech. There were about 200 gals in the audience! It came about very suddenly and I had just enough time to prepare the five-minute talk, though it meant I worked on it all weekend. It went OK.



Frankly, it's a relief to have this first one over, and now I have a presentation that I can work on and take on the road. In other speaking related news, I was able to take part in a speaker training at the office on Thursday, and that really helped, though I have a lot of exercises I need to work on. My upward inflection, nose and eyes tracking together, and filler words, particularly "um," are bad, as the video illustrates. Also, I bobble my head quite a bit which undercuts my perceived authority--don't want to do that! The exercise for that is wearing a balled up pair of socks on your head and making sure they don't slip off--talk about undercutting authority! Anyway, I'm pretty excited and nervous about doing more speaking, but I truly believe that it will be very good for my career and for my self confidence generally. Wish I had worked to get over my fear of public speaking earlier!

In house hunting related news, we won't be able to schedule the painting til the end of the month. Meanwhile, interest rates are edging up and we're still not seeing any houses that we like. Gah. It's a little frustrating.

OK, time to pack my gym bag and head to bed.

Happy Spring!

I started the day with the dogs, walking them in the near-dark. The ground in the field is still a little soft from the recent rains, which is a good, if muddy, thing.

Meet Jane, my new ride. She's pleasant, low miles, everything works (so far), but she's no Cadillac. I still don't feel quite at home with her. Maybe we'll bond tomorrow--I'm going down to the City and nothing like traffic to bring people together. Oh wait, she's not a person. M thinks it will be helpful to get her out on the highway for a little extended engine revving or something. Unfortunately, she's still a little smelly from the stuff they use to make her interior look new-ish, but it's getting better. And I'm just glad not to be stressed out about whether or not I'll break down somewhere, in the dark or rain. I'm also very grateful to M who made the whole purchase very easy on me. We sneakily looked at cars on our auto row late one evening after the stores had closed, so didn't have to deal witht the eager sales staff. Jane luckily was on the lot where he used to work and where he still had friends, so he took care of the wheeling and dealing, so all I had to do was go down and sign the papers. Thank goodness!

I'm going to SF tomorrow on an interesting errand, a new experience for me: I'm a mentor! Someone I met at SXSW last year has an organization, NewMe Accelerator, that incubates startup companies founded by minorities and women, and he asked me to join as a mentor. Frankly, I was surprised--I don't have any business experience--but hey, I love to give advice! And I can certainly advise about marketing and PR once they get their business up and running, so there it is.

It's been a pleasant couple of weeks, with a little excitement here and there.

The house hunting is moving along: we have to paint our home before putting it on the market, which our agent is very eager to do. We got a crazy-low bid from a colleague of our handyman neighbor, so that's a relief, especially after the auto outlay. The whole home purchase idea is still a little dreamy to me. I've wanted more space since we moved in a dozen years ago, but well, we've been here a dozen years and inertia has set in to a certain extent. We've accumulated so much crap that the idea of moving it makes me shut down a bit. Gotta work on my brain compartmentalization techniques I guess. One thing at time. We haven't even put our house on the market yet for FSM's sake, much less found a house we want to live in for probably the rest of my life. One mental decision helped a little--I had been working myself up a bit thinking that this would be the last home purchase ever. Ever! And you know what? It really doesn't have to be. I want it to be a place where I'll be happy if I don't ever move again, but why put all that pressure on myself? Que sera, sera. Only the Magic 8Ball knows the future. And the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Roxy had been acting poorly, not wanting to jump out of the truck, limping and yiping for no apparently reason, so we took her to the vet. It seems that she may be starting to feel arthritis! The vet recommended we give her anti-inflammatory meds and rest her since she may be having back pain. After two days of the meds she started having odd, seemingly uncontrollable spasms in her back leg, so we stopped. But, we did rest her a bit and she appears to be feeling better. She's still not flinging herself about with intensity that she used to when a walk or bowl of food is imminent, but frankly that's a bit of a relief.

I took a few days off of work last week and we went to Manchester for a long weekend. It was very nice, as usual. I didn't work on any of the knitting projects I brought, but I slept a fair amount, read, relaxed, walked on the beach. It rained buckets and hailed too, which was quite exciting. I saw the CityArt gallery space--very nice.

Don, Mom, Roxy, a photo by suzipaw on Flickr.

TMI alert: I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy in a few weeks. My first one, cuz I'm 50, and the first time I'll ever have tried twilight anesthesia. Truly, I'm not looking forward to it, though the "cleansing" process I have to go through the night before appeals to me in an odd way. Hey, I'm a Virgo--scrubbing the ol' intestinal tract seems like A Good Thing.

Adventures of Late

Road trip, a photo by suzipaw on Flickr.

In reverse chronological order:

M and I joined friends Caitlin and Sean for a long drive through some BLM back country yesterday. We took Rex (Roxy is very gunshy) and encountered ridges with incredible views of peaks (Lassen, Shasta, Tahoe range, the Buttes) and valleys, scrub and forest, rivers and lakes. We stopped at what we thought was going to be an idyllic spot by a river for some target practice, but it was marred by the many shooters before us: lots of trash, broken bottles, and copious amounts of toilet paper comingled with the incredibly sized pinecones under the trees.

Shooting off the various firearms the men had brought was an activity I don't often indulge in, so that was fun. Our picnic was marred by a caravan of five jeeps that actually were driving up the river bed and tearing it up, but other than that we had a fine time. Rex got a little bored, but I'm sure he was glad to be with us. We resolved to come back again to camp--there were quite a few people taking advantage of the amazing winter weather to set up tents and enjoy the mostly remote area. It's a little unnerving and also freeing to be in a place where the usual camping rules don't necessarily apply. I just wish people could exercise a little more personal responsibility to go along with that liberty.

The week before I spent mostly in Santa Clara at our second conference of the year. It went very well, even better than we'd hoped, and that was great. However, that meant it was also very busy, and that meant I didn't leave the hotel from when I arrived Monday morning til Thursday afternoon. I did hit the gym twice, yay! Though I can tell I've lost a little ground in the weight department--time to get back to the real gym tomorrow.

The weekend before Santa Clara, M and I headed over to Redding for brother Steve's 50th birthday party. It was truly a surprise, which was great. His girlfriend Tammie had booked an excellent band and it was pleasant if chilly hanging out with family by the bonfire. I played kitchen with Sophia and Myla after the party, and we had more quality family time at breakfast the next morning. I feel like I'm seeing more of the brothers and their families lately, and I'm really grateful for that!

In a nuclear family first, we actually left the dogs alone overnight for the Redding trip! We had a neighbor look in on them in evening and the morning before we returned. They survived, but it was pretty hard on us humans.

The only bummer of that journey was the Monster Mobile--this was the first long road trip test for it after the repair, and sadly she failed. Coolant is still leaking and the misfires are back, so into the shop she goes tomorrow. I really don't want to be car shopping now, but I also really need a reliable vehicle.

In other news: I called the real estate agent who sold us our current abode and have put the wheels in motion for mortgage loan pre-approval. Now that I'm back, I can start to dig into that process. Unfortunately, it looks like we probably won't be able to keep our current place and rent it out like I'd hoped, but I have more research to do there.

More NY Photos

With Cathleen and Debbie, a photo by suzipaw on Flickr.

The conference is over! It went very well and I survived to have dinner tonight with two dear friends I don't see often enough. Ready to call my sweetheart then tumble into the Land of Nod. Home tomorrow!